Hi Friends,
Today is RUOK day and of course, I always check in with you every time and ask how are you going, because I genuinely believe stopping and checking in on ourself daily, is an essential skill. I do it and I encourage you.
To be honest with ourself and if not ok, to be have the skills, knowledge and tools to get ourself back on track.
Then to be confident in having this often-uncomfortable question with a friend or neighbour, or work colleague, as with RUOK day!
I encourage you to check in on those people you are concerned about or care about any time.
Perhaps today, or this week you could go out of your way to check in with a few people.
How to check in on them and what to do if they say they are not ok..
1. Rather than asking RUOK, because most people will take the easy option and say, I’m fine. Instead, be more concerned by saying something like what’s up if you think something is not right. You could ask them how are they going out of 10 as previously discussed here.
2. Ask the question in a genuine caring way, in an environment that is not going to embarrass the other person.
3. Then shut up and just listen without judging or giving advice.
4. If they say, what do you mean, then just state what you have observed over the last week, days that is different!!
Eg: Hey, I’m a bit worried about you because you don’t seem you’re self lately.
5. If they shrug it off, give actual examples of what you have noticed in a caring concerned way.
6. Continue to just listen in a non-judgemental or advice-giving way.
7. Ask them what support would make a difference for them right now?
8. Your job is not to fix them, but rather encourage them to look after themselves better. To seek support from a trusted friend, not just their GP who may refer them to a Psychologist. 90% of the people I Coach don’t really need one. I am able to give them the results they want sooner and more effectively. So the cost is actually cheaper.
9. Remember It’s not what we feel they need. After all, who likes to be told?
With Love
Derek
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