What's behind that behaviour?

angry woman over poor behaviour

Hi friends,

have you ever wondered what’s behind that behaviour?

 Or – commonly referred to as what is driving their behaviour?

I have learnt behaviour is just what we see.

It’s what is driving/behind or beneath their behaviour as in the iceberg analogy!

Because we only see the surface.. Good, Bad or Ugly !

Too often as a Teacher I saw kids punished for their behaviour. Often again and again. Very tiring and not very effective at changing human behaviour. Even with punishment. Sadly punishment often equals what do I need to do to be seen as a GOOD Boy.

Then you will grow up as a people pleaser. This will wreak havoc with your time, energy, relationships, performance and of course, health!!

Remember the mind and body are inseparable. If we are not at ‘ease’ we are creating conditions for ‘disease’!!

So whether we are observing a child or adult, STOP, take a deep breath and catch yourself.

Why, because the behaviour we see in others ( harder to see in ourselves, but highly recommended) usually causes us to REACT with JUDGEMENT, LABELING and with CRITISISM. This in turn has us move away from the person emotionally and possibly physically.

With favourable behaviour, we move in closer..

The best approach, which takes practice, is to come from curiosity and compassion!!

Especially when their behaviour is off/out of character for them. Or with a stranger who doesn’t meet our standards of manners, or values.

I have learnt to ask myself, “what must be going on for this person, or what must they believe to be true for them to behave/act this way!!

This approach leads to being a more caring and compassionate person.

Rather than someone who just reacts to others behaviour!

However, in order to be this person, we need to be not tired and stressed ourselves.

Our brain can’t be curious and stressed at the same time.

Curious is our frontal lobe and stressed is our rear primary or survival brain.

Being a better human level 1

Slow your reactions down by practicing and observing their behaviour first before you react.

 “What must be going on for this person”

“What must they believe to be true to … “

Give it a try and let me know how you go. Your soul will thank you..

Being a better human level 2

Then work on yourself!!

What is behind the behaviour you or probably others don’t like seeing in you??

What drives you or ( who drives you) to do the things you do?

Is this serving you or the people you care about well??

This is where the gold is. Having the courage to look within ourselves, when we live in a outside, out there, focused world!!

Unfortunately, it’s hard to completely become a better person by ourselves. Why because we get in the way ourselves… (our survival /ego brain will resist changes)

Doing the ‘Inner Work’ guided and supported through one of the many personal development courses out there will be more effective than just readings books or sadly seeing a psychologist or therapist.

Having an ICF accredited Coach to hold you accountable is actually now shown to be the fastest way to change human behaviour.  

Myself, I have done all the Landmark Global training. NLP, Buddhism, Mens Wellbeing.Org, a Dip in Coaching and Leadership after my Teacher Degree in Adults over the last 20 plus years of work.

Just give it a go. Life is to short to be unhappy!

With love

Derek