derek2913
- Sep 13, 2022
- 2 min read

How to ask a better question than RUOK

Hi Friends,

I ask “how are you going?” “how are you really going”? at the start of every email, because I genuinely believe stopping and checking in on ourself daily, is an essential skill. To be honest with ourself and if not ok, to be have the skills, knowledge and tools to get ourself back on track.

Then to be confident in having this often-uncomfortable question with a friend or neighbour, or work colleague, as was just promoted last week, with RUOK day!

This is exactly what I talked about to a group of business owners last week.

1. Rather than asking RUOK, because most people will take the easy option and say, I’m fine. Instead, be more concerned by saying something like what’s up?

2. Ask the question in a genuine caring way, in an environment that is not going to embarrass the other person.

3. Shut up and just listen without judging or giving advice

4. If they say, what do you mean, then just state what you have observed over the last week, days that is different!!

Eg: Hey, I’m a bit worried about you because you don’t seem you’re happy go lucky self lately.

5. If they shrug it off, give actual examples of what you have noticed in a caring concerned way.

6. Continue to just listen in a non-judgemental or advice-giving way.

7. Ask them what support would make a difference for them right now?

8. Your job is not to fix them, but rather encourage them to look after themselves better. To seek help from not just a Psychologist, or Mindset Coach, anybody who may be able to help them with the support they feel they need.

9. It’s not what we feel they need. After all, who likes to be told?